Changing Names

I’ve been thinking about name changes a lot lately. No one seems to like his or her original name. For example, betcha didn’t know:

Tom Cruise WAS Thomas Cruise Mapother IV
Harry Houdini WAS Ehrich Weiss
Easter WAS Passover
Jesus Christ WAS Jesus Christowitz
I WAS Chubby as a Child
Burger King WAS Burger Fool
Not THAT It Weighs Heavily on My Mind
Facebook WAS TheFacebook
I JUST Liked Food a Lot, That’s All
Google WAS TheGoogle
I MEAN I’m Not Ashamed of It or Anything
Bono WAS TheBono
Just BECAUSE My Size Was “Husky”
The Sixth Sense WAS Let Me Break This Down for You: You’re Totes a Ghost
Which IS a Euphemism for “Fat,” but at the Time I Assumed It Meant “Muscular”
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids WAS Yo Sheila, The Kids Are All Tiny and %^& Now
Trust ME I’m Completely Over It
Adolf Hitler WAS Adolf I’m-Going-to-Grow-Up-to-Be-the-Apotheosis-of-Evil Mc-Don’t-Vote-Me-Into-Power-stein
What ARE You Staring At?
Democrats WAS Republicans AM I RIGHT, PEOPLE? They’re All the Same!
I’m Still QUICK to Anger When I Think People Are Looking at Me
Scientology WAS Invented by a Science-Fiction Author as a Joke
Stop STARING at Me