A Rat, Two Turtles and Worms

The Iranian Aerospace Organization just reported that the country "fired a rocket into space carrying living organisms -- a rat, two turtles and worms."

Facts Left Out of Iran's Latest Space Announcement

• "A Rat, Two Turtles and Worms" was to be the name of Tupac's final album
  
  
• The crew was modeled after Iran's most popular sitcom, "Two and a Half Men (Half of Whom Is a Rat, and Two of Whom Are Turtles)"
  
  
• The rocket is known as the Kavoshgar-3. In Persian, "kavoshgar" means "no reentry vehicle"
  
  
• Martin Luther was called to defend his 95 Theses in April 1521 by the Imperial Diet of a Rat, Two Turtles and Worms, later shortened to what we now know as the Diet of Atkins
  
  
• The rocket is powered entirely by propaganda
  
  
• The rat, an aspiring songwriter for Taylor Swift, got angry with the two turtles because you can't rhyme any lyric with "two turtles" except "Aunt Myrtle's"
  
  
• The rat, both turtles, and all but one of the worms voted for Ahmadinejad in the election. The other worm, full of youthful naïveté, was unknowingly sent to serve as bait in the onboard koi pond
  
  
• You can follow the rat, two turtles and worms' live Tweets at http://Twitter.com/TheEllenShow
  
  
• The phony law firm that Bernard Madoff set up to cover his tracks at the height of his fabricated hedge fund was called "Ararat, McWhyrtles and Dermis"
  
  
• Iran was originally going to send into space "a Jew, two more Jews and assorted Hasidim," but decided that might be misinterpreted as anti-Semitic
  
  
• A surefire way to make someone cry on the playground from now on will be, "Hey, Farshad, I saw your mom with a rat, two turtles and worms last night. Not necessarily in that order. Hey-o!"
  
  
• By the time the two turtles and worms learned they were only there as food for the rat, it was too late -- there was nowhere to run

• All living organisms died within seconds of launch because the rocket was made in Iran