Famous Breakups, Explained

The Beatles: Ringo was urging a shift to ska

MLK Jr. and the Suffragettes:
Their lead singer inexplicably stopped showing up to practice

Seinfeld: Realized that The Marriage Ref (NBC, Thursdays at 10/9c) couldn't be developed unless he had 12 years to work on the concept

Germany and the Soviet Union (June 22, 1941): Hitler had recently called Stalin a "poopypants" on fü

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston: She was just too sad and boring all the time

The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien: Conan had done all that he could with the show

Britney Spears's career:
Her fetus became pregnant

Brittany Murphy's career: Got less cute a few weeks after she died

The Primordial Universe (pre-Big Bang): Sick of being singularity

Nicolas Cage and Acting Ability: Right after Adaptation, when he deboarded a JetBlue red-eye to LAX and accidentally left his ability to care in the seat pocket in front of him

Woody Allen and Mia Farrow: Mia turned 12

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston: With Bristol pursuing her post-baccalaureate at the University of Washington and Levi increasingly in demand for his lectures on international microfinance, they tried to make it work, but agreed it would be best for the world if Levi just posed for Playgirl

Sonny and Cher: After struggling with a long illness, Cher exploded


Extreme Weather Conditions!

New York was hit with a huge snowstorm yesterday. Now, let's look at other weather reports from around the world:

Greenwich, Connecticut: Pure white as far as the eye can see. No snow.

Pakistan: Certainly no black flecks falling gently from sky of mysterious radioactive byproduct of sloppy plutonium enrichment

Zhuzhou, China: Absolutely!

Nigeria: A touch more underwear bomb-y than the same time last year

Haiti, as Angelina Jolie Walks by My Spot in the Wreckage: Extreme conditions of pantal warming

Playboy Mansion: A damp, clammy wind of desperation wafted across the sequin-strewn grounds and past a lone, broken high heel.

Darfur: High of 36°C; colder tonight, with scattered genocides

Woman Who's Always Wearing Sunglasses Who Lives with Her Husband or Maybe Boyfriend in the Thin-Walled Condo Next Door: Nothing was seen or heard, at all. Especially not hitting.

Pyongyang, North Korea: We intentionally left the power off again to facilitate excellent stargazing for the 137,678th night in a row

Bill Gates Compound: Winter advisory warning in the northwest wing

Overly Polite Stock Boy Afraid of Getting Fired, after an Earlier Incident Where He Was Almost Fired: Out of weather, so sorry

Karl Rove: Darkness all around me. Note: I switched to the first person because I make the weather

School for the Dyslexic: UNS!

U.S. Postal Service: Lost the weather in the weather

Don Rickles: Weather? But I just met her! [Hip, femur, and tibia all break while making joke]

Some Bridesmaid's Placenta Somewhere, Unbeknownst to Her: Inhabited